Calm After the Storm

When I looked at my calendar and saw that we had nothing scheduled and nothing pressing planned for today I was overjoyed.  It has been such a hard, busy, exhausting week that having a day to just go slow and stay home sounded wonderful.  And it was.

I went to bed before 10:00 last night.  Lily only woke up once during the night, so when I woke up at 6:00 this morning I felt rested for the first time in a long time.  I exercised, which always gets my day started on the right foot.  I showered, which also helps.  I decided not to stress about housework today and since we had a ward party in the evening I didn't have to worry about preparing dinner either.  The perfect day.

Lily took a good long nap this morning, which allowed Tommy and me to spend some quality time together.  He has been in love with the movie Legacy lately (you know the one about the Mormon pioneers) and so we watched that together this morning while we played some counting games on the floor.  Then I decided we should probably clean up the kitchen a little so Tommy helped me do the dishes.  He actually does a pretty outstanding job for a two-year-old,  This led to him playing in the sink for 30 minutes or so.  I decided to make bread while he played.  Playing with water turned into a pretty good little learning experience for Tommy as he filled up different bottles and measuring cups and then emptied them into each other.  We talked about how many cups are in a gallon and what a tablespoon is.  I think activities like that are way more valuable than any school experience money can buy.

Tommy only stopped playing in the sink when we heard the doorbell ring and I told him a package had come for him.  Our sweet neighbor made and sent him a Cars quilt, which he immediately had to try out on the couch.  I snuggled with him under his new blanket and we read books together.  I genuinely enjoyed myself and drank in the sweet moments we spent together.

We watched Peter and the Wolf together and I was reminded of how much I enjoy that musical score.  Tommy was fascinated.  Then we ate lunch together, just the two of us, and sang songs, and played more games at the table.  When Lily woke up I fed her on the couch while Tommy played with his cars. He went potty and washed his hands all by himself with no guidance or help from me while I fed Lily.  I was so proud of him.  I love watching how he grows and becomes more independent and capable every day.

While Tommy had quiet time, Lily and I snuggled and took a nap together.  I woke up feeling completely rested, happy, and satisfied with my day.  I feel like I was completely present in the lives of my children today.  Most days I ashamed to say that I get so distracted by my To-Do List, housework, cooking, planning, etc. that I miss out on a lot of great moments with my kids.  I only listen to Tommy with one ear or I make sure he is distracted with a movie so I can "get things done".  I feed Lily without really even looking at her beautiful face or looking into her eyes.  A lot of days we get to the end of the day and feel like I haven't even seen my kids even though I've been with them all day long.

I love days like today when we can just hang out together and play.  I love days when I genuinely enjoy playing with my kids without feeling rushed to be somewhere or get something else done.  I need to learn to minimize distractions and noise in my life so that I can have more days like today.  It was such a treat and such an honor to really be with my kids today, both in mind and in body.  We need to do this more often.

The Train Park

Last week I had to take both kids to my yearly gynecological exam.  I thought that was pretty tough, especially since Lily cried through the entire appointment and then for most of the 45-minute drive home.  Looking back, though, that was cake compared to today.

Since Lily's birth I have been careful about what plans I commit to.  Since I never know how much sleep I am going to get any given night and I never know when Lily will be awake or hungry or asleep I have steered clear of making firm plans for anything, if at all possible.  So this morning when I felt rested and Lily was awake for the day at 7:30 I decided, "Hey, let's go to the train park!"  So we did.

Tommy has been sick for the past week, but I thought he was almost over it.  He still coughs a bit in the morning, but his nose isn't running much anymore.  I thought this week was going to be "normal".

We drove almost an hour to get to the train park.  Tommy was so excited he could hardly contain himself.  That boy loves trains.

We got to the park and it was everything I hoped it would be.  There were trains, trains, and more trains, a carousel, and a little train you could ride.  There were two separate parks and several picnic tables to eat at.  With lunch in tow, I planned to spend the entire morning and afternoon there.

We went into the museum first and looked at the little model trains.  Then we wandered around outside, rode the carousel, and got in line to ride the train around the park.  This is when things got tough.

I was carrying Lily in her Baby Bjorn carrier on my front with a backpack full of our necessities on my back.  And suddenly while we were standing in line Tommy started crying and holding up his arms for me to pick him up.  How can you resist that?  So I picked him up.  He squished Lily a little bit, but she didn't seem to mind much at first.  He cried as he said, "My ear hurts!" while he pressed his left ear against my shoulder.  Poor thing.  I knew he would be completely upset if we just left the park right then without riding the train, so we continued to stand in line.  Lily started to cry because she was getting squished and she was getting hungry.  Tommy continued to cry and press his ear into my shoulder.  I must have looked insane, holding two crying children in the line to ride the train.  We waited for at least 30 minutes (it was President's Day, and nobody told me).  Lily wanted food.  Tommy kept wailing over and over, "My ear hurts!"  I really don't know why I didn't just call it quits right there, except that I had invested an hour to drive to this cool park and I knew Tommy would never forgive me if we left before riding the train.  So we kept waiting.  And I laughed as I held back my own tears.

Our turn finally arrived to ride the train.  We got the seat that Tommy wanted, in a green flat car right next to a steering wheel.  I knew he was really feeling crummy when he didn't even crack a smile the entire ride.  And I knew I must have really looked ridiculous when nobody sat in front or behind us.  I laughed in spite of myself.  After the train ride I had to find somewhere to feed Lily.  Tommy said he wanted to play at the park.  So we went to the park and I sat on a bench and fed my baby while Tommy cuddled up next to me, pressed his ear into my shoulder, and cried.  I felt like crying, too.

I made an appointment with the doctor while we sat there.  I never knew an ear infection could be such an emergency situation.

Once Lily was fed we left the park.  Tommy cried the whole way out and kept alternating between saying, "I don't want you to do it," and, "I want you to do it."  I didn't know what he was talking about except that I knew he didn't feel well.  So I held him and soothingly whispered, "I know, Tommy," while I pushed Lily in the stroller.  Once we got to the car he settled on saying, "I want you to do it," over and over again while he cried.

He promptly fell asleep in the car.  Lily was calm for a few minutes and I thanked Heavenly Father for a few quiet moments before Lily got upset and woke Tommy up with her screaming.  Then they both cried for a few minutes, and then they took turns for most of the way home.  It took almost an hour to get home.

Once we got home it took me about three trips to get everything inside.  I sat Tommy on the couch with a movie while I got Lily and our bags inside.  They were both crying again.  Real tears.  Then came the best part of my day.  I grabbed Lily, sat down on the couch with Tommy, and we all snuggled and watched some Thomas the Tank Engine.  They both calmed down immediately.  My favorite part of being a mom is being able to comfort my children with my presence and my touch.  It was beautiful.

We went to the doctor this afternoon.  Lily pooped while we were there.  Lily only poops every 5-7 days, so when it comes it really comes.  When the doctor walked into the exam room he found me with a child in each arm.  Tommy was afraid of the doctor's latex gloves.  He had an ear infection, just as I suspected.

We got his medicine from the store.  We bought some ice cream from McDonald's.  We cooked a pizza for dinner.  I am exhausted.  Not the exhausted you get from staying up too late, or the exhausted you get from being on your feet too long.  It's the mind-numbing, body-collapsing, zombie kind of exhausted that only comes when you completely tap out all of your physical and emotional resources.  It's the kind of exhausted that kind of makes you feel satisfied, but makes you want to cry.  It's the kind of exhausted that has you crying one moment and laughing the next, and then crying again.

I've only reached this level of exhaustion a few times in my life, and it's always been on days like this.  Days when I gave all I had to comfort someone else and didn't resent the inconvenience of it.  Days when the needs of others have made me completely forget myself.  Days when I felt honored to attend to people I care about.  Days when I knew I received help from above to serve the people I love.  Like I said, it's only happened a few other times in my life that I can recall.  It happened when I was a missionary.  It happened when I lived with my dying grandmother.  And it's happened a few other times as a mother.  It's cleansing.  It's exhausting.  And it's an honor.

Grammy's Visit - January 2012

We were so grateful that my mom was able to come help us out after Lily was born.  She was primarily on Tommy Duty so that I could get some extra rest with the baby.  Tommy and Grammy went to a different park every day, ate lots of ice cream from McDonald's, shopped for new clothes for Lily and Tommy, and had a great time playing with toys at home.  Tommy especially loved playing games and doing his "email" on her iPad.  She got to hold Lily lots in the evening and bond with her while we all chatted.  She helped us out a lot as we transitioned from a family of three to a family of four, for which we are so grateful.  We miss her so much!

A Few More Pics of Our Cute Kids

I just had to post a few pictures of my handsome boy. We love him so much.  Thanks again to Christy for taking these for us.

A Couple of Good-Looking Kids

I was playing around with my camera a few days ago and took some cute pictures of Lily.  These are when she was about four or five weeks old.  Tommy was kind enough to let me use Mr. Wrinkles as a prop.  Her hair kind of looks reddish in these pictures.  We are still undecided on the true color of her hair.  Red?  Blonde?  Brown?  Only time will tell.

Below is a picture of Tommy asleep in the hallway.  This is how he always falls asleep nowadays.  He uses Wrinkles as a pillow and always has his dump truck book in his hand.  Tommy is such a stickler for well defined rules.  We made it clear that he is not to leave his room once we put him to bed.  He can get out of bed and go anywhere and do anything as long as he doesn't wake us up or come out of his room.  Most nights we find him asleep like this, so we pick him up and put him in his bed.  Most mornings I find him right in his door frame, waiting for me to come get him.  He even asks me, "Mom, can I come out now?"  Sometimes he even traces the line in the carpet over which he can't cross.  It's really funny to me, but I love it because it means he never comes into our room during the night and he never leaves his room during quiet time.  I don't even have to close the door.  He's a real character and we love him so much.

 Last Sunday after I got the kids ready for church I couldn't stop admiring how beautiful/handsome they are.  It's hard to believe such good-looking kids came from Ben and me!

Glamour Shots

Lily got blessed in church today.  We are grateful to have some cute pictures of her in her blessing dress.  Thanks to our friend, Christy, for taking these beautiful pictures for us.

I Love To See The Temple, But Dinosaurs Would Have Been Cool, Too

This week we got all geared up to go to the dinosaur museum in Mesa.  Tommy was excited to dig for dinosaur bones and I was all packed and ready to take the kids on the trek to Mesa by myself.  There was a lot of anticipation and high expectations.

We drove the 45-minute route to the museum.  We parked in the same spot we always park in (Tommy wouldn't let me park in any other spot).  We walked to the entrance, tried to open the door, and...it was locked.  Come to find out the dinosaur museum is closed on Mondays, just in case anyone else wanted to know.

I threw my disappointed children back into the car and tried to make the most of the afternoon.  We were already in Mesa and it was a beautiful winter day so I decided to take the kids to the temple grounds.  It was really wonderful.  Because the temple is closed on Mondays, the grounds and the visitor's center were basically empty.  We walked around and breathed in the fresh fragrance of colorful flowers.  We admired the fountains and pools and Tommy thought they looked like good places to wash his hands.  Tommy enjoyed watching the workers weed the flower beds and work on the temple walls.  We had a lovely afternoon.

We also went into the visitor's center where we got to hear the Christus presentation twice because Tommy enjoyed it so much.  Then watched a little walk-through video presentation about how families can be together forever because of the blessings of the temple.  It made me cry as I held my two kids and felt the Spirit testify that what we were hearing was true.  It was uplifting and beautiful.

We had a wonderful day together, even though we didn't get to dig for dinosaur bones.