Midwife Crisis

I am re-watching the documentary The Business of Being Born this week with my husband and it has made me feel even better about my decision to have this next baby at home with a midwife.  I thought I'd write a few thoughts while they are fresh on my mind. 

I don't want anyone to misunderstand my purpose in writing this post. I am not trying to win anyone over to my way of thinking. I'm not even trying to persuade people to agree with me. It's just that when I tell people that we are planning a homebirth with a midwife an awkward silence usually follows. So, in order to answer some questions that I know people have, but are too afraid to ask, and to put your mind at ease about my sanity, I thought I would write a little post about this decision. Again, I'm not trying to get you to agree with me. I'm just trying to help you understand why a relatively sane person would want to have their baby at home in this day and age.

Let's rewind a couple of years, back when I was pregnant with Tommy. We had an awesome OB whose office was literally a five minute drive from our apartment in Mesa. The hospital was just as close. I was going to graduate school at ASU at the time, so I had really amazing student health insurance. As part of my job, the school paid my insurance premiums and it included really good maternity coverage. So we were set and everything worked out beautifully. I loved our OB and I had a decent experience delivering Tommy at the hospital. It wasn't perfect, but my complaints are quite minimal. Overall, we were treated well and we felt like we were in good hands. If we were in that same situation again I'm sure we would probably be visiting the same OB and delivering at the same hospital with this little one.

But, life has changed quite a bit since then. We moved about an hour away from Mesa and I quit going to school so I could stay home and raise Tommy. We had to get new insurance and I had to find a new doctor. I started calling around to different insurance companies about 18 months ago to find out about getting maternity coverage. What I found was actually really disappointing. I won't go into all the details, but basically it wasn't worth it to get maternity coverage. In all cases, paying the premiums, copays, and deductibles turned out to be thousands of dollars more than if I had the baby in the hospital without insurance and paid cash. The option to have the baby in the hospital without insurance was on the table, but my doctor said it would be about $7,000 for that. So I kept looking for another option.

It was about this same time that I found out that two of my good friends from Utah were planning home births. They are both people I have always loved and admired, people who are educated and successful. I stalked their blogs and talked to one of them after she successfully delivered her son at home. I was completely enamored by the idea of having a baby at home, though I have to admit that at first I thought they were pretty crazy. I started reading books and I watched The Business of Being Born, which I recommend to everyone who is having a baby in America. The more I learned the more I realized how little control I actually had during my birth with Tommy. I am fortunate that I had a capable doctor who wasn't afraid to deliver a nearly 11 pound baby. I realized that I had probably come very close to having an unnecessary c-section and that a lot of the problems I had during and after the birth were because of the medical interventions that were done (epidural, episiotomy, delivery of Tommy with a fancy plunger). I'll give you a few examples:

• During labor Tommy's heartbeat slowed down after my contractions, which can be really dangerous. The nurses had me turn on my side and gave my oxygen and his heartbeat returned to normal within a few minutes. I just found out that mothers with epidurals often run into this situation because the epidural makes your blood pressure go down, which then affects the baby's heartbeat. Pretty scary.
• I just didn't like the way the epidural made me feel.  Because it lowered my already-low blood pressure, I got dizzy and light headed, so I had to lie all the way back in the bed the whole time I was in labor.  As the epidural wore off my whole body became really itchy and they told me the epidural often does that. 
• While I was pushing Tommy got "stuck". I know a lot of people think that's just because he was so huge, but his head wasn't actually that big. He got stuck because his head was turned a little to the side and so he couldn't slip out like he should. I pushed for 2 1/2 hours, a lot of that in vain while the nurses called and waited for the doctor to come do the episiotomy and vacuum extraction. If I had not had an epidural and if I had a midwife I could have changed positions or done some movements to get him to change positions. It could have saved me a lot of time and pain that I spent pushing (I say pain because I could feel the contractions by then, plus the longer one pushes, the longer the recovery often is).
• I had a really long recovery, probably due to all the interventions. My body got really beat up during the delivery with all the pushing, episiotomy, and the big plunger.
• I really struggled with postpartum depression. Not anything really serious or debilitating, but it was like I lived in a dark cloud for several months following Tommy's birth. I have read several times that the rate of postpartum depression rises for every medical intervention a women has during labor and delivery. Since I know I am prone to that, I want to decrease my chances of going through it again by having little to no medical intervention this time around.

Anyway, all of this came together some how and I started researching homebirth and midwives in Phoenix. I got some referrals from a friend and started getting really excited. But, the real confirmation that a midwife is what I want and need this time around came in March this year when I had a miscarriage. It was devastating. Naturally, we called my OB and scheduled an appointment for the following week. It was just what one would expect when calling a doctor's office. The staff asked for my name and why I needed to come in and scheduled an appointment with the doctor. It was very formal and cold, the way it is in a doctor's office. I was on the verge of tears as I made the appointment (I was basically on the verge of tears all the time for a couple of weeks). I felt myself yearning to be taken care of, not just checked out by a doctor who doesn't know my name. So I called a midwife a few days later and talked to her about what I needed to do. It was like night and day.

The midwife I talked to was so empathetic and patient as I sobbed on the phone and told her about what happened. She comforted me and told me what to do next. She told me what symptoms to watch for that would necessitate a trip to the hospital. She inspired me to have confidence in my own body and to trust what I was feeling, both physically and emotionally. It felt amazing to be able to talk to a compassionate professional without having to wade through an office staff first.  Needless to say, I canceled the appointment with my OB and got pregnant again immediately.

After that experience I was absolutely convinced that I wanted a midwife to deliver my next baby. When I got pregnant we interviewed a couple of midwives and found one that we love. I feel so spoiled. My midwife does all of my prenatal visits at our home and she never sends an assistant or a substitute. She usually stays for about an hour, or as long as it takes to answer all of my questions.  I feel like she really knows and cares about me and my family.  Sometimes we just chat and laugh.  I always feel like I am her most important client and I never feel like she is just trying to go through the motions with me so she can get on her way to see somebody else.  I'll deliver the baby at home. If there is a problem there is a hospital about five minutes away that we can get to quickly.

Here is a list of great resources I would highly recommend to anyone thinking about having a baby without an epidural:

• Ina May's Guide to Childbirth
• Birthing from Within: An Extra-Ordinary Guide to Childbirth Preparation
• The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth
• The Business of Being Born

Tommy and Daddy

I am grateful that Tommy and Ben love to play together so much. I love my little boy, but usually by about 5:00 I am ready for a break. Ben always answers Tommy's innocent question, "You all done with dinner? You come upstairs play with me?" with a, "Yes, Tommy, let's go play." So cute. I love my boys.

Playing in their fort.

Being cool together.

Painting.  You gotta love the smocks.

Playing "Fox in Socks Box".

Wrestling and Giving Loves.

I Know What We Did This Summer...

I have a few random pictures and videos from the last couple of months that I wanted to post, so here you go! Most of it is from the later part of this awesome Phoenix summer, so we were all going a little crazy from being cooped up inside.

We went to the mall with Tommy's friends one day to play in an air-conditioned play area.  It's amazing how much pleasure the little ride brought to Tommy.  It was worth every quarter I put into that machine!

They loved playing on the fire truck.  It had a little slide on it, so I can understand why!

We spent quite a bit of time at the splash pad this summer.  Summer here is really not tolerable unless water is involved.

And last, but not least, here is a video of Tommy doing cute things including saying his ABC's, counting to 10, and reading a book to his monkey. In some of these clips you really get a good sense of how crazy the summer makes active little boys.

What I Learned This March

I was looking back in our blog archives and found this post that I never published. I wrote it originally back in April 2011, but maybe the events were hitting too close to home to actually publish it then. Things have gotten a lot better since then: I got pregnant again, Tommy is potty trained, but the things I learned in March will be part of me forever.

Wow, March was a rough month. It was exhausting and hard, but hopefully we have come out better because of it. We started (and stopped) potty training Tommy, then Tommy got his first ear infection, we found out I was pregnant, and then I had a miscarriage. Big things.

As I am writing this the overwhelming feeling I have is complete gratitude for the blessings we have. We have been blessed with incredible friends and family and the Lord is watching over and protecting us.

One of the worst feelings I have ever experienced is waking up one Sunday morning to the abrupt realization that the pregnancy we had rejoiced over had come to a devastating end. I don't wish that moment on anybody. It makes me cry every time I think about it. However, we have a lot to be grateful for in spite of the heartache. The miscarriage was early enough in the pregnancy that I didn't have to go to the ER. It wasn't painful. I didn't have to have surgery. It could have been much, much worse, and I'm grateful that it wasn't.

Tommy has been such an amazing little companion through all of this. The morning of the miscarriage I found joy as I played cars with Tommy on the floor. He has let me hug, kiss, and snuggle him to my heart's content. He knows that Mommy and Daddy are sad so he has stepped up to his role as our comic relief and sweet comfort. He has been so snuggly, loving, well behaved, and funny lately. What a blessing.
In other news, we did attempt to potty train Tommy this month. He did such a great job, but it all kind of fell apart after a few days. It clicked for him within about six hours and then he was accident-free for a few days. I was amazed that he picked it up so quickly and that he did such a good job for such a young little guy. I don't know if it was something I did that made it unravel, but after a few days he started resisting the potty more and more. I couldn't let him out of my sight because if I did he had a big accident. It was too much stress and anxiety for me and Tommy, so we retreated back to diapers. We'll pick it up again in a few months and hopefully it will go a little better the second time around. It will help when he is a bit older.

I felt like a horrible mother while we were potty training. I was constantly worried that I was going to do something that would mess him up forever or that would ruin our relationship. My mom assures me that this feeling does not go away as the child gets older:)

Overall, March was emotionally draining. That's why we went to San Diego the first weekend in April. We had to get away from life for a few days if we wanted to stay sane! I am grateful for what we have experienced. I know it sounds cheesy because everyone says this about their trials, but I am grateful for them. They have brought us closer together as a family. They have allowed us to serve each other. My trials have opened my eyes to how incredibly blessed we are and how much we have to be grateful for. I feel blessed to have increased empathy for others who are going through the same or similar trials. I feel grateful to have been the recipient of kind words and actions from loving friends and family. I think we are all stronger than we give ourselves credit for. Sometimes we have trials and experiences that help us realize that.

How Chia Seeds Cured My Back Pain

Today I just wanted to write a few thoughts about a recent discovery we made that has really changed my life.  I know, it sounds cheesy, but seriously, when you find something this good you just have to share it.  My discovery is this:  water.  That's right, drinking it.  Lots of it.

So let's go back a few months to the beginning of my pregnancy.  I started having really severe back pain shortly after I got pregnant, which was so weird because it was before I had gained much weight or started showing at all.  Basically every day my back would ache to the point that it affected the way I walked and the activities I could do.  It was a great excuse to get out of doing dishes:)  Other than that, nothing good came of it.  By the end of the day when I would lie down in bed I had to endure several minutes of pain shooting down my legs like lightning before my back got settled and I could go to sleep.  I couldn't lie down on my side at all.  It was awful.  I pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I would have to endure that kind of pain for the rest of the pregnancy.

I tried stretching, yoga, all kind of exercises to strengthen and work my back.  Ben gave me good back rubs and popped my back whenever I asked him to, but nothing got rid of the pain.  Nothing, that is, until I started drinking water.

I usually drink more water than most people.  Those who know me well know that I never leave the house without my purple Nalgene.  I was drinking between two and three liters of water every day and I thought that was sufficient.  I mean, that's a lot of water!  I told my midwife about my back pain when I was about 21 weeks pregnant and she said that the pain was probably because I was dehydrated.  Dehydration can cause cramps and contractions, which then pull on the muscles in back and make them ache.  Hm.  She said given my activity level and how hot the summer is here I should probably be drinking between four and five liters of water every day.

At about this same time I was reading the book Born to Run, which I recommend to everyone who loves a great story, runners and non-runners alike.  It's about a journalist who meets this tribe of super runners in Mexico.  It was not only an interesting story, but there was great information within the story about shoes, running form, and chia seeds.  You know, those little seeds you slather onto Chia Pets and watch them grow?  Apparently these little seeds are a super food that a lot of endurance athletes eat to help them stay hydrated over long periods of time.  The seeds are 90% fiber so they absorb water like nobody's business.  You can just mix them with water and drink them, or you can cook them into sauces, rice, oatmeal, or anything else and eat them that way.  I decided to give chia seeds a try so we bought three pounds of them on Amazon and started eating a couple of tablespoons every day.  Within two days my back pain was gone.  GONE.  I couldn't believe it.  In addition to keeping your body hydrated chia seeds also contain lots of great vitamins and, of course, tons of fiber.

I'm not suggesting that everyone go out and buy a bag of chia seeds, but I am suggesting that maybe we all need to be more hydrated.  I feel better right now in a lot of ways than I did before I got pregnant and I think most of that is because I drink over four liters of water every day and I eat chia, which prevents the water from just running through my body.  It actually hydrates me and it feels great.  Some days when I am really busy and I don't drink enough my back pain returns and I feel like I got hit by a truck.  Once I rest a bit and down a few liters of water the pain goes away again.  Simple as that.

So give it a try and let me know how it goes for you!  Double the amount of water you drink every day, eat something really fibrous, and see what a difference it makes in how you feel:)

Utah Trip Part Two

I got to see my dad a couple of times while we were in town.  We went to the park and got ice cream one night and then a few days later we went to McDonald's and ate lunch.  I was glad he made time to come see Tommy and me.

We decided to go swimming on Sadie's birthday.  I am so glad we did because it turned out to be Tommy's favorite activity of the whole week.  I was so glad that Ricky and Sadie came with us because they suggested we go to the Dimple Dell Rec Center in Sandy, which I didn't even know existed.  They have an indoor pool there with a huge play area for the kids.  It was like a splash pad, a playground, and a swimming pool all wrapped into one.  Ricky and Sadie were so cute to play with Tommy and to let him splash them.  I was impressed with how brave Tommy got by the end.  There was a little water slide that had quite a heavy waterfall at the top of it.  Tommy doesn't typically like getting water on his head, so I was surprised when he wanted to go under the waterfall and down the slide.  I went down with him the first few times and then he got really brave and went down by himself.  Because it was so slick it really shot us down quick, but he loved it.  In the video below, that's me screaming, not Tommy:)  He talked about going swimming with Ricky and Sadie the rest of the week.

Over the weekend Ben was kind enough to accompany me to my ten year high school reunion.  Can you believe it has been that long?  I'm getting old:)  In some ways high school seems like way more than ten years ago, in other ways it seems like just yesterday that I was playing volleyball and going to Prom.  I was a little bit nervous about going because I wasn't sure exactly who would be there and whether or not it would be awkward with certain people.  I don't have any regrets from high school really.  I feel like I was kind to people and there was nobody that I was dreading to see, I was just worried it might be kind of awkward.  My fears were quickly set aside, though.  It was just a ton of fun!  Almost everyone seemed about how I remembered them and there weren't any huge surprises about the direction any of my friends lives' had taken.  It was so fun to see old friends and to reminisce a little, but to also catch up and meet their spouses.  I loved the evening and I am so happy I was able to be there.  On the way home I felt so grateful to have been good friends with such great people that had such a positive influence on my life.

The best part of the reunion was that it drew my closest friends back to Utah for the weekend.  There was a group of five of us that used to go to the dances together and go on trips together every summer.  They were the girls I cried to when I was sad and laughed with when embarrassing things happened.  They were the girls that I had slumber parties with and that I cut class with.  They were there for me through my parents' divorce, through all my failed relationships during and after high school, and on my wedding day.  In recent months they were among the ones that cried with me when I had a miscarriage and celebrated with me when I got pregnant again.  We still stay in touch, but all five of us haven't been together for about three years.  I think we all look hotter now than we did ten years ago:

Me, Toni, Andrea, Jenny, and Celeste.  FGGO forever!

Tommy loved having my mom's and Ricky's dogs around to play with.  He was especially sweet with Sammy because she is old and sweet to him.  He loved getting right up in her face and talking to her in a really high little voice.  He called her, "Sammy Sam" and gave her hugs whenever he bumped her or accidentally hit her with a ball.  To this day he calls all dogs either Sam or Kodex.

Here is a video of Tommy being silly with my mom. What is it with boys and poop?

The last Sunday we were in Utah I went to take a nap and threatened the life of anybody who woke me up. Yes, I was that tired. It had been a big week and I was pregnant! After I woke up from what I think was nearly a four hour nap (haven't had one of those since before I was married!) Tommy and I snuggled up on the couch and read books together. It's one of my favorite things in the world to do.
We had such a great time in Utah. We got to see so many good friends and loving family. We also got to see quite a bit of rain, which was so fun for us desert rats:)

Utah Trip July 2011 - Part One

This year we went to Utah for the Fourth of July and had a blast.  It was so nice to get out of the Phoenix sun and to enjoy time with my family.  We did so many fun things while we were there.  My only regret is not being able to spend even more time with friends and family we love.

We rented a car this time to drive up.  There were two reasons for this.  One, our car has a history of breaking down on road trips and we really didn't want to get stuck in the desert.  Two, my mom graciously offered to let us take her van back to Phoenix so we could haul a twin mattress down here for Tommy.  It was so fun to drive a nice little car and to know that we didn't have to clean it at the end of the day:)  The drive went well.  Tommy was a real trooper and even went potty in the public restrooms on the way.  We played lots of games and kept Tommy happy by having one of us sit in the back with him most of the way.

We had a really fun Fourth this year.  It started at about 6:00 am when Ben and I drove down to Provo so I could run a 10 K at BYU.  We were a little bit late and ended up walking up 900 East just as the race started.  We could see all the runners coming from Kiwanis Park onto 900 East running away from us.  I started to cry because we had driven all that way and then I missed the start.  We kept walking up the road, though, and Ben encouraged me to go ahead and run the race anyway.  I started about 10 minutes after the official start and I couldn't see any other runners ahead of me.  I was kind of embarrassed to be so far back and to be running slow anyway because I was 14 weeks pregnant, but I went ahead and finished the race.  I ran completely by myself for about two miles before I started passing some of the slower joggers and walkers.  It was fun once I started, though, and the race volunteers were so nice they even stopped traffic just for little old me.  It felt great to be able to run outside with the backdrop of the mountains to the east.  It was beautiful and I loved every minute of it.

Later that evening we went to my brother, Wes', house for dinner and to watch fireworks.  They live right by Thanksgiving Point, so there is always a good firework show to see.  This year aerial fireworks were legal in Utah.  It was quite the party.  Many families were having parties in Wes' neighborhood and so the sky was lit up from every direction.  The kids (and adults) loved it.  Tommy was kind of shell shocked and talked about the loud fireworks and the pops the entire drive back to my mom's house.  We had a great time and were grateful to get to spend the evening with my entire family.  Below is a video of the grandkids throwing Pops with Grammy and one of the kids playing football together.

The next morning we went shopping at the mall with my mom.  She bought Tommy some new pajamas with cars on them, took him for a train ride, and bought him a cookie.  He was a happy camper.

The next day we went to Wheeler Farm with Jamie and the kids.  I really wish we had something like that here in Phoenix.  It's free to walk around and look at the animals.  The kids loved it.  We got to see cows, chickens, horses, goats, rabbits, and ducks.  Tommy's favorite thing was sitting on the tractors.  He could have done that all day long.  Maybe I need to buy an old tractor for the backyard that he can sit on and pretend to drive:)

Tommy driving a tractor.

The kids looking at cows.

Feeding the ducks with Grammy.

Our next activity was going to the mountains to eat doughnuts and play.  I remember as a kid that we used to go to a picnic area and eat those cheap Hostess powdered sugar doughnuts and drink chocolate milk.  That's just what we did in the mountains and I wanted to do it with Tommy.  We all packed down several doughnuts and then we went exploring.  Salt Lake has had a really wet winter and spring so the river was higher and faster than I have ever seen it before.  There were sand bags all along the path.  In the video below of Ricky and Tommy throwing sticks in the river you can see some trees on the left that aren't usually in the middle of the river.  It was crazy and a little scary to watch the kids right along the rushing river, but we had a great time.  We found a cave that Ricky and Sadie explored, we climbed on rocks, and we threw sticks into the river.  Thanks to Ricky and Sadie for gathering sticks and branches for the kids:)  They could have stayed there all day long!

 

Miraculously we got a picture of all three kids smiling at the same time.  The secret?  Just say "poop" and they all start laughing.

Jamie, Makayla, Ricky, Sadie, Tommy, Me, and Jarom.
 
My mom with her three favorite people:  Makayla, Tommy, and Jarom.

I love in this next video how Tommy is trying to eat his doughnut while running. Never mind the piece he drops on the ground and then eats:) I'm so glad the cousins love playing together.