Lily's Birth Story, Part III: Postpartum Exultation

To read Part I, go here.  To read Part II, go here.

They say it takes a village to raise a child.  I have learned over the last three weeks what that really means, at least to me right now.  It's less that it takes everyone in the village to be involved in that child's life and more that it takes the village to support the mother so that she can effectively care for and teach her child.  I have had a village helping me these last three weeks as I have stepped into my new role as Mother of Two.

I have been extremely blessed to have really great pregnancies.  I feel healthy and strong throughout the pregnancy, enough so that I was frequenting the gym up until the week before Lily was born.  However, I have had two really hard deliveries that have made the postpartum period the most difficult "trimester" of my birth year.  However, this time around has actually been a time of intense joy and deep gratitude, rather than the rocky and emotionally unstable postpartum months I experienced after I had Tommy.  I attribute this joy primarily to the amazing people who have supported me and family during this time.

First, thanks my birthing team and the extraordinary network of midwives and doulas out there who give such meaningful and selfless service.  This is a group of women who greet strangers and friends alike with a warm hug.  Not only did my midwife stay the entire night after Lily was born, but she also came back Christmas night with three others to stitch up my tear, help me shower, and make sure we were generally doing well.  Kristy even did another batch of laundry while they were here that night.  We all chatted and joked and laughed.  It was really fun to see them all again.  Karen and Kristy came back four days later to check on me and Lily again.  I have received several Facebook messages from them asking how things are going.  I have not only felt well-cared for, I have also felt loved by these women.

A few days after Lily was born I started to feel some of the Baby Blues creep in.  I started to feel overwhelmed and hopeless and anxious.  I cried as I told Ben, and as I was doing so, my postpartum doula called.  Her name is Erin.  She asked if she could come over the next day to help out for four hours.  I was overwhelmed with her timing and with the hope that things were going to get better.  I was crying so much I had to hand the phone to Ben so he could tell her when to come.  She did come the next day and completely lightened my load.  We talked for a little while and she was able to listen and empathize with my feelings.  Then she got to work.  Our house was a disaster by this point.  We had piles of dirty laundry, stacks of dirty dishes, and stuff just everywhere.  Between the Christmas mess and having a baby and Ben being sick, the house really suffered.  But in just a few short hours Erin completely cleaned the whole downstairs, allowed me some one-on-one time with Tommy, showed me some stretches that would help me feel a little better after being confined in bed, made us lunch, and showed me some nursing techniques that would help me nurse and sleep at the same time so I wasn't so sleep-deprived.  She not only gave me hope that we would survive, she also made me feel loved and empowered.

Erin came back a couple weeks after Lily's birth and worked her magic again.  She cleaned and organized Lily's room, cleaned up the downstairs, did my grocery shopping, made dinner, and chatted about how the transition was going.  I highly recommend that every new mother get a postpartum doula to come a few times to help out, no matter how or where they give birth.  Having that extra helping hand made a huge difference to me.

I will do a homebirth as long as it means I can have such excellent postpartum care from such nurturing women.

Next, thank you to our friends who have helped with caring for Tommy and bringing in meals.  We had one family take Tommy the day after Lily was born.  Remember, that was Christmas day.  They were happy to take him and include him in their family party.  It meant so much to me.  We had another family that took him all day the next day, too.  Ben had been up Christmas night with a fever and chills, I still couldn't get up out of bed on my own, and we really wondered how we were going to care for Tommy, Lily, and ourselves under the circumstances.  Luckily we didn't have to worry about Tommy as our kind friends entertained him all day.  We have amazing friends who have brought in meals and have taken Tommy to the zoo and to the park so that I could get some extra rest.  It is very humbling to be the recipient of such thoughtful service.

Thank you also to all those who have sent us gifts for Lily.  I love to see her swaddled in a blanket that another loving mother made for her.  I love to dress her in clothes and put bows on her head that I know others thoughtfully bought for her.  We appreciate the generosity and thoughtfulness of our friends, neighbors, and family.  Thank you to those as well who have emailed, blogged, texted, or Facebooked congratulations and well wishes to our family.  It energizes me to read the positive comments of others.  So thank you.

Next, a gigantic thank you to my mom who spent a week with us after Lily was born.  We put her primarily on Tommy duty.  She took him to the park every day she was here, took him to McDonald's, and played with him at home.  She helped with shopping and cooking and cleaning.  It was so nice to have someone else here so that I could get some extra rest when Lily was sleeping.  We love you, Mom, and miss you so much.  Tommy especially misses his best buddy.

I especially want to thank my husband for everything he has done for me, but he is going to get his very own post:)

The transition from having one child to having two has been much smoother than I expected it to be, thanks in large part to the village that has rallied to help us raise our children.  It also helps that Lily is such a calm and chill baby.  She eats well and sleeps well and doesn't poop very much.  I couldn't ask for anything more than that.

Lily's Birth Story, Part II: Sunny-Side Up

To read Part I go here.

My water hadn't broken yet and I didn't have the urge to push, which was a little worrisome.  I had this feeling from the beginning that my baby was going to be born posterior (face-up), and I was right.  I endured a lot of back labor, which I guess is more painful than regular labor (I wouldn't know since neither of my babies was positioned correctly).  Karen debated about whether or not to break my water.  She said that breaking the water would probably speed things along and it might give my body the urge to push.  If she didn't break the water there is no telling how long I would have to endure more back labor before the baby turned and I had the urge to push (if the baby turned at all by herself).  I told her to go ahead and break my water so that things would move more quickly.  She did, but I still didn't have the urge to push.  I went ahead and pushed anyway since it felt better than just breathing through contraction after contraction.  That went on for a solid 2 1/2 hours.

I tried pushing everywhere.  I pushed in the tub, on the toilet, squatting by the bed, on my hands and knees, on my exercise ball, and sitting in the bed.  Karen told me to push in the position where I felt I could get behind the contraction the best, which turned out to be on the bed.  Ben held me up from the back while my birth team supported my legs.  It was really hard work.  I was sweaty and I screamed like a banshee.  After each contraction I tried to lie back and work the cramps out from my legs before the next contraction came on.  I did a fair amount of crying and asking if they thought I could really do this.  They kept telling me that she was coming, they could feel her head, I was almost crowning.  I often needed reassurance that she was actually making progress.  Sometimes it felt like she was going backward rather than outward, but my team kept encouraging me and telling me that I was doing a good job.  I was so exhausted that I really wasn't sure I could keep pushing.  There was no other option, though, so I just tried to take it one contraction and one push at a time.

At one point Karen was able to manually turn the baby's head a little bit.  I had a couple of contractions where I felt the urge to push after that.  They felt completely different from the other contractions I was forcing myself to push through.  I pushed with all my might and made some good progress before the baby's head turned the wrong way again and the pushing urge went away.

The pushing phase really is a blur now.  All I remember is being exhausted and feeling like it was never going to end.  I also remember feeling like I was going to push my entire colon right out of my body.  The one downside of not having an epidural is that you can really feel the damage you are doing to your body by pushing.  I suppose it's different if the baby is positioned correctly and slides right out, but for me, it was very disconcerting to feel like my insides were literally going to burst out my bottom.  But, I knew they weren't, so I just kept pushing as hard as I could:)  The lower the baby's head descended, the more it hurt, but I knew the only way to stop that pain was to push her out.  So I just kept on pushin'.

After nearly 2 1/2 hours her head finally crowned.  I guess that was supposed to be really painful, but I was so relieved that she was almost out that I don't remember it being so.  It burned a lot as I pushed her head out, but the pain wasn't nearly as bad as I expected it to be.  I was just so happy to know that I was almost done.  When her head came out my birth team told me to open my eyes and touch my baby.  I heard Ben exclaim something like, "Oh my gosh, there she is!"  One more push and her shoulders cleared, another push and out came her body.  Words can't describe the relief and joy I felt as I held that baby I had worked so hard to get out.  She snuggled up against my chest and cried, strong and healthy.  I stroked her head and told her how happy I was that she was finally here.

Lily was born at 9:27 pm Christmas Eve.  I wrote a post about her name and her statistics here.  She was born posterior, or face-up.  Even though it was so hard to get her out I am so grateful I did it at home.

The moments just following Lily's birth are still fuzzy.  I held her for a little while and then I handed her to Ben, who cut the cord.  I nursed her right after that.  She was such a pro.  She latched on and sucked the first time I tried.  She was alert and awake for a little while after that.

This is where things get really fuzzy and kind of scary.  After I delivered the placenta I guess I lost a fair amount of blood.  My birth team told me it wasn't a ton, but because my blood pressure is low anyway, it was enough of a loss to give us all a scare.  My blood pressure plummeted and the next thing I knew everyone was rushing around trying to get me stable again.  They elevated my feet, lowered my head, gave me a shot of pitocin to stop the bleeding, and forced fluids down me until I couldn't drink anymore.  The room started to spin and got fuzzy and I was unable to speak for a few minutes.  I could hear them call the readings on my blood pressure and knew the situation was bad when it got so low they couldn't read it anymore.  That probably only lasted for a minute or two before I started to stabilize, but it was scary.  They told me later that they came within a minute or two of calling 911.

Ben gave me a Priesthood blessing and promised that I would return to full health and strength quickly.  And I did.  I couldn't sit up without getting woozy for a few hours, but as long as I laid down, I was fine.  The same thing happened after I had Tommy.  The next time I have a baby I'm going to be sure to eat and drink during labor.  I drank water during this labor, but I didn't feel like eating and I didn't really think about it.  My body was so depleted after all the laboring and delivering that it's no wonder it kind of shut down for a little bit.

I have no concept of time after that happened.  I think it was about two hours after the baby was born that they tried to stand me up so I could use the bathroom.  I did okay sitting up, but I blacked out once I tried to stand.  It's such a weird feeling waking up lying in bed with everyone asking if I am okay without any idea how I got there or what happened.  We tried a few more times without success so Karen ran home to get a catheter.  While she was gone I nursed Lily and Ben rocked her a lot in the glider we have in our room.  Kam and Kristy were so sweet to clean up our home downstairs where we had left a mess of toys.  They also did some laundry, cooked our Christmas pizza, and served it to us in our bedroom.  It tasted so good:)  They also cooked up a mixture of herbs and froze them in little packets so I could ice my bottom.  They were amazing.

At some point they changed the sheet I was lying on.  It was kind of funny because I was okay as long as I laid down, but I couldn't sit up or stand without getting dizzy, so changing the sheet was a challenge.  Ben made me a peanut butter sandwich, which I ate while the midwives pulled me around the bed on the old sheet while they tried to clean up and roll out a new sheet.  I couldn't get up to shower either, so they helped me get cleaned up a little while I laid on the bed.  I made lots of jokes and tried to make the situation funny since I kind of felt awkward being so helpless like that.  They knew I was feeling much better once my sense of humor came back:)

Karen came back and told the other two that they could go home to their families.  It was maybe 2:00 am or so by this time.  Kam and Kristy left and Karen stayed in our home for the rest of the night.  She insisted that Ben come get her when I needed to use the restroom so that she could help me get up and down.  During the night I blacked out one more time, but by morning I was able to get up with just Ben's hand to hold.  Karen stayed until about 7:00 am Christmas morning.  You don't get more dedicated than that.  I appreciate that she stayed until she was sure I was really okay.

I know this portion of the story may scare some people away from homebirth, but I feel that it is important to include to prove how capable midwives are (especially how amazing my midwives are).  It's important to realize that you can have a safe homebirth even if things aren't perfectly ideal and complications arise.  I was going to have a posterior baby and lose some blood wherever I gave birth.  Karen was equipped with basically everything she would need for an emergency situation.  She had oxygen, pitocin, a catheter, and she knew exactly how to respond when my blood pressure dropped.  She had all the equipment and knowledge that nurses have in the hospital.  And if the situation had become any more critical, 911 was just a phone call away and I'm sure paramedics would have been here within a few minutes.  Yes, of course, it was a scary situation, but it would have been scary no matter where we were.  I will be forever grateful that my birth team was so well prepared to handle the situation.  And I'm so grateful that they cared about me personally enough to stay the night until it was clear that we were out of the woods for good.

I sustained a second-degree tear, so everyone came back Christmas night to stitch me up.  Yes, midwives can stitch, and yes, they had spray-on lidocaine that ensured I didn't feel a thing.  There were four women who came that night.  Karen and Kristy helped me shower and prepared a sitz bath for me while another midwife, Shell, and her student, Danielle, came to stitch me up.  Of course it wasn't the most fun thing to go through, but I actually had fun chatting with the four of them.  I have never felt so cared for and nurtured by a medical professional.

Part III:  Postpartum Exultation to come soon!

Lily's Birth Story, Part I: The Christmas Pizza

I don't really know how to start this post.  Ever since Lily's birth people have asked me, "So, how did it go?"  I appreciate the question, but honestly I don't know how to answer.  I usually say something like, "It went well, we had the baby, we are both healthy, it hurt..."  I don't know how much detail you want, so I'm just going to tell you the details that I like about the story.

As most of you know, we were planning for a homebirth, and that homebirth happened.  Would I do a homebirth again in the future?  Absolutely.  But not for the same reasons I chose to have a homebirth this time.  Here is the post I wrote about my original decision to have a homebirth.

We had an appointment with Karen, our midwife, on Friday, December 23rd.  She asked if I wanted to have an exam to see if I was dilated at all.  I had had several days of cramp-like contractions spread out over the past couple of weeks, but I declined the exam.  I basically didn't want to know if I was dilated because I didn't want to get my hopes up that things would be happening soon.  I just wanted to trust my body and let things happen as they would without getting worked up about it.

On Saturday, the 24th, I woke up with cramping again.  It wasn't too bad and I knew from the other days that it would get worse before it got better and tapered off in the afternoon.  I had several things I needed to do to get ready for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, so I got to work early before the cramps got any worse.  That morning Ben and I made fattigman, a really time-intensive Norwegian cookie that my family makes for Christmas.  After setting off the smoke alarm several times we finally got the hang of it and made a pretty decent batch.  Part of me thought that maybe if I called down the help of my Norwegian ancestors we would have the baby soon.

That morning I also made cookies and a pumpkin pie.  I worked quickly, knowing that if I didn't get the kitchen cleaned up early I may not get to it at all.  I'm glad I listened to those instincts!

By late morning I was having some discomfort, but it wasn't any worse than it had been on previous days.  I kept working.  Then at about 11:30 I had a real contraction that made me stop and lean over the counter for a minute to breathe.  That hadn't happened before, but I didn't want to get my hopes up that I was actually in labor, so I kept cleaning.  I laid down and watched a movie with Tommy and the contractions started coming about every 12 minutes.  Still thinking this was probably just false labor, I mentioned it casually to Ben, who also figured it was probably not real labor yet.  I had probably just overdone it in the morning and needed to rest for a little bit.

By about 2:30 I decided that I should probably lie down and try to get some sleep.  If this was real labor, I knew I needed to be rested for the long night ahead.  If it was false labor I knew a nap would probably make it go away.  Either way, I was tired and needed to lie down.  I tried to sleep for about an hour, but woke up every 8 minutes with contractions.  They still weren't too bad.  I just laid in bed and breathed with excitement and anticipation.

At about 3:30 I got up and showered, thinking the hot water would feel good.  It did, and by the time I got out of the shower I was pretty convinced this baby was coming that night or early Christmas morning.  I had labored for 15 hours with Tommy so I figured I was in it for the long haul with this one as well.  Contractions were still about 8 minutes apart.

We have a tradition in our family called The Christmas Pizza.  It's an artifact from Ben's family when they lived in Brazil.  It's just what it sounds like.  Every Christmas Eve we buy a big pizza from Papa Murphy's and cook it on Christmas.  That way we don't have to cook a big fancy meal on Christmas Day.  We can just stay in our pj's all day, stuff ourselves silly with pizza, nap, play with toys, and just hang out.  It's a great tradition.

I still really wanted to get that darn pizza.  "Leave me!  Save yourselves!  Get the pizza!"  I insisted that Ben go get the pizza and that he take Tommy so that I could have some peace and quiet before really heavy labor set in.  Ben didn't want to leave me, and neither did Tommy.  I kept insisting that he go, that I would be fine.  I figured I still had several hours ahead of me.  Looking back, it's so funny that the pizza meant so much to me.  I think I knew this Christmas was going to be unique and I wanted to hang on to as much normalcy and tradition as possible.  It was completely irrational, but at the time I thought, "If we don't get the pizza, what are we going to eat tomorrow?"  Never mind that we have at least 3 months of food stockpiled in our home, not counting the 40 freezer meals I had prepared a few months ago in preparation for the baby.

In the end, it was kind of stressful.  Ben couldn't find his phone and refused to leave without it.  I wouldn't go with them because I didn't want to labor in public, especially as the contractions got worse.  Tommy was exhausted and threw a huge tantrum about going to the store with Daddy.  So as Ben combed our entire home for his phone I held  Tommy on the couch and watched the clock as contractions came every 5 minutes.  Tommy fell asleep in my arms after he cried for a good 10 minutes or so.  I was happy to have the chance to snuggle my little boy before he was no longer my baby.  It wasn't all that comfortable to have contractions sitting with a 40 pound toddler on my lap, but every time a contraction came I buried my face in his curly blonde hair and tried to be grateful for the moment I had to comfort one child while my body worked to bring my next child into the world.

Ben finally found his phone and hesitantly left to fulfill my wishes for a Christmas pizza.  It was nearly 5:00 by this point.  He was gone for 25 minutes tops, and in that time all I could do was go upstairs, get my water bottle, and fill it up in the kitchen.  Shortly after he left contractions jumped from 5 minutes apart to 2 minutes apart.  I dropped to my hands and knees with each one, tried to breathe deeply, and wondered how I was going to give birth without an epidural.  I thought if they were this bad already I wasn't sure I could endure it for another 10-12 hours.

Ben got home at about 5:15.  I had just called my mom to tell her I was in labor.  I told Ben the contractions were coming every 2-3 minutes.  They had only been coming that close together for about 20 minutes, I hadn't seen any blood, and my water hadn't broken, so I figured I was probably still pretty far off from actually having the baby.  I felt a little hesitant about calling Karen given all of those factors, but we called anyway.  Bless her heart, she left a family party to come deliver my baby.  She got to our home at about 6:15, along with her students, Kristy and Kam.

By the time they came I was in the tub.  It was amazing how much the warm water initially helped to relax my body and decrease the pain.  By the time my birth team arrived the contractions were one after the other. There was no relief.  I had a towel on the side of the tub that I buried my face in when the pain got really bad.  They all commented on how they were happy to see me with a smile still on my face.  That smile didn't last for long:)

Tommy was a real trooper during all of this.  After we called Karen, but before I got in the bathtub we let him open up one Christmas present, which I chose for him.  It was the movie Cars 2 and he was more than happy to sit at the computer in our bedroom and watch his new movie while Ben helped me labor in the bathtub.

Ben was an angel through all of this.  Besides indulging my desire for him to go get the pizza, he successfully corralled Tommy around and was there for me as I labored.  At one point before my birth team arrived I was sitting in the tub on the verge of tears telling him I didn't know if I could do this.  He looked into my eyes and gave me the most romantic pep talk in history, telling me that I was strong, that I could do this, that all I needed to do was picture the end result of having our little girl in my arms in a few short hours.  He made me cry, which made the contractions more painful, so I told him to stop being so sensitive and wonderful.  He is an amazing man.

Once my birth team was at our home we decided to do an exam to see how far along I was.  As you can imagine, I was kind of dreading this.  I was so afraid that she would say I was dilated to a 4 and that I would have 10 more hours of hard labor to go.  I still hadn't seen a drop of blood and my water hadn't broken even though contractions were basically coming one on top of the other.  They helped me onto my bed, checked me and the baby, and declared to the shock of everyone present, "Crystal, you are fully dilated!  You're a 10!"  None of us could believe that I had dilated that quickly and that I had done all of it with only Ben around to help.  My first labor pain was at around 11:30, contractions got regular and painful around 4:30, and by 6:30 I was fully dilated and ready to push.  Little did I know that the hardest part was yet to come.

Stay tuned for Part II!

Sacred Love

There is something so special about having a new baby in our home.  Both Ben and I have been on the verge of tears since she was born.  Those tears spill over easily.

I think the veil is very thin when a new life enters the world.  Somehow the three acts of our life before earth, our life now, and our life after this merge into one and that new baby becomes a symbol of eternal love.  Sometimes we can almost see the angels coming to and going from our home.

Whenever I look at a newborn baby I wonder what she knows.  I wonder from whose embrace she was so recently released.  I wonder who gave her a last kiss goodbye as she left the arms of our eternal parents and came to dwell with us.  I wonder who she is inside that little body, what great things she has already done as a valiant little spirit, and what amazing things she will see and do during her life here.

The birth of our daughter has increased the love that Ben and I have for each other.  Our relationship has literally thrived during the postpartum period.  There is nothing more touching than watching my husband care for our daughter, swaddle her, coo to her, and love her.  There is nothing more romantic than being waited on by my husband and having my every need met by his inexhaustible care.  There is nothing that gives me more strength than to have his strong shoulders to lean on, to cry on, and to lift me up when I literally can't get up on my own.

Yes, childbirth is painful and the recovery is even worse.  But I think that God designed it to be that way so husbands and wives have the opportunity to serve each other and love each other in a whole different way.  Lily's presence makes our home sacred.  I couldn't ask for anything more than that.

There is a French hymn that I learned on my mission called "Souviens-toi" that I sing as a lullaby to Tommy every night.  It outlines the Plan of Salvation by describing how we lived with Heavenly parents before this life and then it asks the child to describe what Heaven is like.  It is beautiful and puts the feelings of my heart into words.  Tommy knows most of the words now and wanted to sing them to Lily the other day.  Here is a video of that:

Twilight Zone

The funny thing about having a baby is that it forces me to rest and to stay inside a whole lot more than I am used to.  I didn't venture outside of my bedroom for two days following Lily's birth and it took another day after that for me to make the trek down our stairs.  Two days later I went outside for the first time.  It's such an odd feeling that everything in my life can change dramatically while the rest of the world hardly notices.  When I went on my first car ride nearly a week after Lily's birth I was shocked to see that the same stores were in the same places, the parks we frequent were still there, and most people I saw wished me a Happy New Year without saying anything about my new baby.  It all just seemed so...normal.

I made a list of things to get done before Christmas and posted it on my fridge.  I made this list on the 23rd. Lily was born the 24th.  Nearly a week after she was born I stood in front of my fridge, amused as I read the list.  It seemed like a different person had made that list in a different life.  I only got about half of the items crossed off the list before labor really set in.  I feel sad that we didn't get to do some of the items on the list, like look at Christmas lights and make our traditional Christmas breakfast casserole.  Oh well.  We have next Christmas to look forward to, and we got a pretty awesome Christmas present this year in exchange for not crossing everything off the list.

Do you ever feel this way?  When something monumental happens in your life and you feel like the world should stop and at least acknowledge the fact that your universe has changed, but it doesn't.  Below is how my world has changed.  Isn't she a beauty?

Halloween and a Few Other Updates

First, the fun stuff:  Halloween.  We had a great time this year because Tommy understands the implications of both "party" and "candy".  He was a great sport to wear his Halloween costume, even the hood.  Watching Tommy love Halloween made me love it more this year.  We had our ward Trunk-or-Treat the Saturday before Halloween.  I sat in our trunk and handed out candy to the kiddos while Ben took Tommy around the parking lot to gather candy from other trunkers.  He came back with quite a haul.  And, as always, we all got lots of great compliments on our costumes (thanks, Sharene!).  In the picture to the left we made the mistake of trying to get Tommy to wear his hood and he wasn't very happy about it.  He just wanted to eat corn bread and drink rootbeer, I guess.  We finally got him to wear the hood when the trick-or-treating began.  Ben said he has never heard so many people say the word "cute" so many times.  You have to admit, Tommy is the cutest little frog the world has ever known.

The next morning I decided to actually do something creative and festive so I pulled out a Halloween gingerbread house that a friend of mine left behind when she moved.  I figured it couldn't be that hard since the kit included everything so Tommy and I sat down to give it a try.  Boy, was I wrong!  This was the first, and possibly the last, time I have attempted a gingerbread house.  Neither myself nor Tommy had the patience to wait for the frosting to dry so the walls and the roof would stick together.  I finally just gave Tommy slabs of gingerbread and let him slather frosting and candy over it however he wanted to.  It was probably one of the most fun activities we have ever done together.  By the end Tommy's plea of, "Mommy, decorate with me," turned into, "Mommy decorate me."  When I decorated his nose with orange frosting we both laughed so hard that it was difficult to snap the picture.  You can see his mouth is black from eating the frosting.  By the end, we had quite the mess to clean up, but it was well worth the fun time together.  Ben even ate some of the "house" and said it didn't taste too bad.  Yuck:) I have no idea how old that kit was.

Ben took Tommy out trick-or-treating for real on Halloween. They just went up and down our street, but they came back with quite a bit of candy. Tommy loved it and has loved eating candy at every meal since then:) I stayed home and passed out candy. We only got about 30 kids the whole night. Oh well, more candy for me and the baby!
This is Tommy playing with our one and only Halloween decoration. Next year I have a feeling I am going to have to be a lot more creative and decorative!

In other news, I am now officially past the seven month mark in my pregnancy. Here is a picture of me right before I hit 31 weeks. I know the stripes are supposed to hide the fact that my belly is big, but believe me, it's big.  I am still feeling good, but I am definitely slowing down quite a bit. I get frustrated that I can't do everything I want to do and that I have to sit down and nap more often than I feel like I have time for. I guess that's what happens in the third trimester. Overall, my pregnancy has been very textbook perfect, so I am grateful for that. I had a dream last night that Lily came out a dark, shaggy haired boy that was 14 pounds and 30 inches long. Let's hope that dream doesn't come true!

Tommy is doing great in his big boy bed now.  He is really good at staying in his bed and not waking up at night.  The only problem we have run into the last couple of nights is that he doesn't actually go to sleep in his bed when he is supposed to.  We put him down around 7:30 and check on him around 9:30 to find that he has been playing very quietly in his bed with his trucks for the past two hours.  No wonder he is so tired during the day!  But, at least he is staying in his bed!

We planted some citrus trees in our backyard today!  Tommy and Daddy did a great job making a big hole in our rock-solid dirt.  Hopefully we'll have some lemons and oranges to show for it...in a couple of years.

Midwife Crisis

I am re-watching the documentary The Business of Being Born this week with my husband and it has made me feel even better about my decision to have this next baby at home with a midwife.  I thought I'd write a few thoughts while they are fresh on my mind. 

I don't want anyone to misunderstand my purpose in writing this post. I am not trying to win anyone over to my way of thinking. I'm not even trying to persuade people to agree with me. It's just that when I tell people that we are planning a homebirth with a midwife an awkward silence usually follows. So, in order to answer some questions that I know people have, but are too afraid to ask, and to put your mind at ease about my sanity, I thought I would write a little post about this decision. Again, I'm not trying to get you to agree with me. I'm just trying to help you understand why a relatively sane person would want to have their baby at home in this day and age.

Let's rewind a couple of years, back when I was pregnant with Tommy. We had an awesome OB whose office was literally a five minute drive from our apartment in Mesa. The hospital was just as close. I was going to graduate school at ASU at the time, so I had really amazing student health insurance. As part of my job, the school paid my insurance premiums and it included really good maternity coverage. So we were set and everything worked out beautifully. I loved our OB and I had a decent experience delivering Tommy at the hospital. It wasn't perfect, but my complaints are quite minimal. Overall, we were treated well and we felt like we were in good hands. If we were in that same situation again I'm sure we would probably be visiting the same OB and delivering at the same hospital with this little one.

But, life has changed quite a bit since then. We moved about an hour away from Mesa and I quit going to school so I could stay home and raise Tommy. We had to get new insurance and I had to find a new doctor. I started calling around to different insurance companies about 18 months ago to find out about getting maternity coverage. What I found was actually really disappointing. I won't go into all the details, but basically it wasn't worth it to get maternity coverage. In all cases, paying the premiums, copays, and deductibles turned out to be thousands of dollars more than if I had the baby in the hospital without insurance and paid cash. The option to have the baby in the hospital without insurance was on the table, but my doctor said it would be about $7,000 for that. So I kept looking for another option.

It was about this same time that I found out that two of my good friends from Utah were planning home births. They are both people I have always loved and admired, people who are educated and successful. I stalked their blogs and talked to one of them after she successfully delivered her son at home. I was completely enamored by the idea of having a baby at home, though I have to admit that at first I thought they were pretty crazy. I started reading books and I watched The Business of Being Born, which I recommend to everyone who is having a baby in America. The more I learned the more I realized how little control I actually had during my birth with Tommy. I am fortunate that I had a capable doctor who wasn't afraid to deliver a nearly 11 pound baby. I realized that I had probably come very close to having an unnecessary c-section and that a lot of the problems I had during and after the birth were because of the medical interventions that were done (epidural, episiotomy, delivery of Tommy with a fancy plunger). I'll give you a few examples:

• During labor Tommy's heartbeat slowed down after my contractions, which can be really dangerous. The nurses had me turn on my side and gave my oxygen and his heartbeat returned to normal within a few minutes. I just found out that mothers with epidurals often run into this situation because the epidural makes your blood pressure go down, which then affects the baby's heartbeat. Pretty scary.
• I just didn't like the way the epidural made me feel.  Because it lowered my already-low blood pressure, I got dizzy and light headed, so I had to lie all the way back in the bed the whole time I was in labor.  As the epidural wore off my whole body became really itchy and they told me the epidural often does that. 
• While I was pushing Tommy got "stuck". I know a lot of people think that's just because he was so huge, but his head wasn't actually that big. He got stuck because his head was turned a little to the side and so he couldn't slip out like he should. I pushed for 2 1/2 hours, a lot of that in vain while the nurses called and waited for the doctor to come do the episiotomy and vacuum extraction. If I had not had an epidural and if I had a midwife I could have changed positions or done some movements to get him to change positions. It could have saved me a lot of time and pain that I spent pushing (I say pain because I could feel the contractions by then, plus the longer one pushes, the longer the recovery often is).
• I had a really long recovery, probably due to all the interventions. My body got really beat up during the delivery with all the pushing, episiotomy, and the big plunger.
• I really struggled with postpartum depression. Not anything really serious or debilitating, but it was like I lived in a dark cloud for several months following Tommy's birth. I have read several times that the rate of postpartum depression rises for every medical intervention a women has during labor and delivery. Since I know I am prone to that, I want to decrease my chances of going through it again by having little to no medical intervention this time around.

Anyway, all of this came together some how and I started researching homebirth and midwives in Phoenix. I got some referrals from a friend and started getting really excited. But, the real confirmation that a midwife is what I want and need this time around came in March this year when I had a miscarriage. It was devastating. Naturally, we called my OB and scheduled an appointment for the following week. It was just what one would expect when calling a doctor's office. The staff asked for my name and why I needed to come in and scheduled an appointment with the doctor. It was very formal and cold, the way it is in a doctor's office. I was on the verge of tears as I made the appointment (I was basically on the verge of tears all the time for a couple of weeks). I felt myself yearning to be taken care of, not just checked out by a doctor who doesn't know my name. So I called a midwife a few days later and talked to her about what I needed to do. It was like night and day.

The midwife I talked to was so empathetic and patient as I sobbed on the phone and told her about what happened. She comforted me and told me what to do next. She told me what symptoms to watch for that would necessitate a trip to the hospital. She inspired me to have confidence in my own body and to trust what I was feeling, both physically and emotionally. It felt amazing to be able to talk to a compassionate professional without having to wade through an office staff first.  Needless to say, I canceled the appointment with my OB and got pregnant again immediately.

After that experience I was absolutely convinced that I wanted a midwife to deliver my next baby. When I got pregnant we interviewed a couple of midwives and found one that we love. I feel so spoiled. My midwife does all of my prenatal visits at our home and she never sends an assistant or a substitute. She usually stays for about an hour, or as long as it takes to answer all of my questions.  I feel like she really knows and cares about me and my family.  Sometimes we just chat and laugh.  I always feel like I am her most important client and I never feel like she is just trying to go through the motions with me so she can get on her way to see somebody else.  I'll deliver the baby at home. If there is a problem there is a hospital about five minutes away that we can get to quickly.

Here is a list of great resources I would highly recommend to anyone thinking about having a baby without an epidural:

• Ina May's Guide to Childbirth
• Birthing from Within: An Extra-Ordinary Guide to Childbirth Preparation
• The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth
• The Business of Being Born

It's a Girl! (at least we think so)

Today we got the much-anticipated 18 week ultrasound during which we determined our baby is a girl. Yay! The tech was pretty sure (60% he said). This little baby was jumping and moving during the whole ultrasound. They had a hard time getting any good pictures. Every time they got her in a good position she would jump or bounce away before they could push the snapshot button on the computer. It was actually really funny. We went to an ultrasound school, which was awesome because the ultrasound lasted for an entire hour. At first I was kind of bugged that it was going to take so long, but as it progressed I found myself loving the experience of lying down and watching my little baby dance for such a long time. Ben didn't love it as much since he was in charge of keeping Tommy happy and entertained for the entire time:) They spent a lot of time showing and measuring each little part of the baby and explaining what everything means. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Our baby is healthy and active, which is just what we want:) Below is the best picture we were able to get of the baby. They tried to get a good profile shot the whole time, but she was just moving too much. We walked away with 13 pictures of her various body parts and this is the best profile we got:) I love this picture because it really tells the story of how the ultrasound went. She's upside down (it's a really clear shot of her foot, leg and torso!) and her head got cut out of the picture on the bottom right. Love it. We are so excited to meet this little girl.
On another note, I am loving our decision this time to have a midwife deliver our baby. We have an amazing midwife who comes to our home for all of the prenatal visits. She does all of the things a doctor would do except that I feel like she actually knows me and my family. I don't ever feel like I am infringing on her time or keeping her from something else that is more important. When she is here she is totally here for me. She has visited with us for about an hour at each appointment, answering my questions and sometimes just chatting. It has been a wonderful experience so far.

Exciting News!

Most of you know already, but we wanted to officially announce that we are expecting another baby! I am 16 weeks along already and due on January 4. We are keeping our fingers crossed that the baby comes just a few days early to beat the new year:) We had an ultrasound a couple of weeks ago and were able to watch our new baby jump and bounce and move the entire time. The technician had a hard time getting any measurements because the baby kept moving so much. Tommy is so excited to be a big brother. He is hoping for a "little girl baby," and so are we, although we'll be happy whether it's a boy or a girl. Tommy is also pretty convinced that he has a baby in his tummy. I have been feeling pretty good, especially in the last few weeks. I feel like I am getting much bigger much faster with this one, but I guess that's probably normal after the first pregnancy:) Here is a cute profile shot of the baby. She is kind of kneeling with her head bowed a bit.
Just a cute story about Tommy: a couple of weeks ago he did something like put on his own shoe and I made a really big deal about what a big boy he is. I said something like, "Where did my baby go? My baby grew up so fast into a big a boy." Tommy got this really concerned look on his face, pointed at my tummy, and asked, "Where baby go?" I had to explain to him that the baby is still in my tummy and that the baby I was talking about was him. He was at least relieved that the baby was still in my tummy. He is going to be a great big brother. He loves babies and he is so sensitive and nurturing. We are all very excited!

August in Review

Since I don't keep a very good journal anymore (I wish I did better!) I figured that I need to do a lot better documenting the everyday stuff that goes on. Lucky you, you get to read it! I've done a decent job of posting big things like vacations and outings, but I need to do better at posting the more regular stuff. Here it goes!

Tommy got his first haircut right after we got back from Utah. I was so sad to see those cute baby curls go, but it had to happen. He was growing a curly mullet. Here is the "before haircut" picture. I hope to see those blonde curls again soon!
Tommy loves to play outside in our little swimming pool. We play out there at least 3 or 4 mornings per week when the patio is shaded. He can play in the water with a cup and a few balls for at least an hour, and even then he is sad to get out most days. I sit out there with him and read and splash him occasionally. Playing outside in the water has become one of our favorite things to do together. This picture is of Tommy playing with his friend, McKay.
We also love to go the splash park. Sometimes Tommy is more interested in the wood chips at the adjacent playground or the rocks that border the sidewalk, but I can usually keep in the water for at least 30 minutes or so. It's the perfect thing to do on those really unbearable Phoenix summer days.
Here is a video of Tommy using my shoe to smash imaginary bugs. You know you kill way too many bugs when your 0ne-year-old thinks that is what shoes are for. We kill several crickets every evening (hate them!), but luckily we wash off the shoes before Tommy can play with them!

Tommy has learned to help me clean up the floor. He sees me wash the floor underneath his seat after he eats so sometimes he grabs a wipe and helps me do it. He has also been known to grab any washcloth (wet or dry) and clean the floor with it on his own. It just goes to show you how much our kids watch and mimic us even when we don't expect it.
Here is a picture of Daddy and Tommy reading together. Tommy loves his books and he sure loves his Daddy.
Below is a video entitled "Wrinkles on Wheels".

Speaking of Wrinkles, my heart just melts sometimes to watch how much Tommy loves his little dog. Sometimes he brings me Wrinkles and a towel. I swaddle the doggie up and then hand him back to Tommy. It is so cute to see how excited Tommy gets when I wrap Wrinkles up. He gently holds Wrinkles in his arms and gives him some hugs and loves and then we do it again.
Lastly, here is my most successful shopping trip of the month: I spent a total of $1.52 on all of this, which included $1.15 in tax. Awesome. I guess you could call couponing one of my hobbies since I get such a thrill out of it.

Go Utes!

After we enjoyed a couple of days in San Diego we headed up to Utah to spend almost two weeks with my family. We had such a great time! Everybody was apologizing for the heat wave that was passing through Salt Lake at the time, but it felt great to us. I made sure to get Tommy outside every day we were there because it was so beautiful. Tommy got to play with his cousins, Makayla and Jarom. The above pictures is when they were all playing with the same toy and they each had to hold a few balls to do it. They also played outside together in Grammy's huge sandbox. Tommy and Jarom played in the sand while Makayla preferred to play with the hose on the grass.
It's really hard to get a picture of all three kids together with Grammy, but we try every time we are together.

Tommy (1), Makayla (almost 2), and Jarom (3 1/2).
On Sunday we got to attend my brother, Wes', ward in Lehi. He teaches nursery so we all went to nursery together. Tommy loved these sunglasses. It was so amazing to see how his ward juggles 5 nursery classes like it's no big deal. It inspired me to come home and make some major changes in our ward's nursery since we have almost as many kids, but we were all in one big class together. Thanks, Wes and Jamie, for teaching us how it's done!
Tommy loved playing in Grammy's sandbox. It was a lot like being on the beach in San Diego, I guess. He was happiest when he had control of the hose.
Daddy and Tommy playing in the sand together.
Tommy and Grammy together in the sand.
Tommy loved that hose! I had no idea he was so easy to entertain. The weather was warm, but the water coming out of the hose was pretty dang cold, but Tommy didn't seem to care. He let the water run all over him and he loved every moment of it.
We have played with the hose a lot since coming back home to Phoenix. It provides at least an hour of entertainment with relatively little mess or effort on Mom's part:)
We went to the park a couple of times while we were in Utah. Unlike Phoenix, we could actually play on the park equipment because it wasn't searing hot. However, Tommy preferred to either sit and dig around in the wood chips or wander off and explore the pavilion and surrounding areas.
My brother, Carson, and I ran the Deseret News 10K on the 24th of July. We had to wake up at about 5:00am to run, but it was worth it. Carson did awesome, finishing in about 53 minutes (not bad for his first 10K!) and I was proud of myself, finishing in about 57 minutes. If I had just kept up with Carson I would have beat my personal record! Oh well, maybe next year:) We missed the big parade downtown for the first time in years, but I don't think anyone was really too upset about that. Later in the day we went to my Aunt Linda's home and enjoyed lunch with all the cousins. I haven't seen some of my cousins since I got married two years ago, so it was really fun. I miss my family lots.

Tommy had this love/hate relationship with my mom's dogs. This is a video of Tommy and Sammy. Sam looks really ferocious in this video, but she is the sweetest thing in real life and she would never hurt anyone. She just gets nervous around little people. It seems like every trip Tommy starts out being afraid of the dogs, and by the end of the trip he is chasing them around and getting right up in their faces. It's good for him to have some time with the dogs at my mom's because we aren't getting a dog around here for a long time:)

Overall, it was an awesome trip. We played at the park or in my mom's backyard almost every day we were there. One day I took Tommy swimming at the community pool and he loved that. I tried to teach him how to blow bubbles in the water. He thought it was pretty funny, so he tried to do it and ended up drinking some pool water. Yum! We were also able to go to Provo to see Ben's friends, which was so fun. They even did a Happy Pirates reunion show (the Happy Pirates is the improv comedy troupe Ben performed with at BYU).

We are so happy to have been able to make the trip to Utah. We love our friends and family there and we miss you so much!

San Diego Shores

We enjoyed a quick trip to San Diego last month on our way to Utah (it was actually only about 5 hours out of the way, so why not?). You can't pass up the opportunity to soak up the sun on the beautiful San Diego beaches! At the time it was pushing 115 degrees in Phoenix so we were more than happy to get out of town. When we stepped out of the car for the first time in San Diego the air felt amazing! It was warm and moist and smelled like the ocean. I felt comfortable to be outside during the day. I didn't feel like I was going to melt into a puddle or vaporize on the spot, so that was an improvement over what we were experiencing in Phoenix.

Tommy was amazing on the drive, especially since we woke him up at 4:00 am to leave. We listened to a lot of NPR, which kept Ben and me entertained and put Tommy to sleep, so it worked out for everyone. We went directly to the San Diego Temple for Katie's wedding (a great friend from BYU). The temple was getting a face lift at the time, which I thought was hilarious for all those wedding shots the couple took afterward (see the picture below). After the wedding we went to the beach. Since we couldn't check into our hotel for a couple more hours we had no choice:) The beach was so AMAZING. Seriously, I think it was the first time I have really relaxed for months. Tommy and Ben had a great time digging holes in the sand, building sand castles, and chasing the water. I played a little bit, but spent most of my time looking out into the ocean and just taking in the whole experience. Tommy had a great time. It was his first exposure to sand and he loved it. He dug in it, threw it, ate it, put it in his hair, and just held it. He loved the water, too. Every time the waves washed in Tommy got excited and just giggled. He was covered in sand from head to toe by the time we left, but I don't know that I have ever seen him more happy than he was at the beach. We got checked into the hotel, washed up, and changed just in time to get to Katie's reception. It rained a little bit on our way there. I guess you have to live in the desert to really appreciate a little sprinkle of rain. It was heavenly.

The next day Tommy and I went to the beach early while Ben worked from the hotel. Since we got there around 9:00 am we were some of the first people there. As soon as I put Tommy down on the sand he ran right for the water in pure bliss. We played with his beach ball and found sea shells, dug some more holes, and buried each others' toes. Tommy giggled when I buried his feet in the sand, so of course we did that a lot. We went back to the hotel in the afternoon to get lunch and take a nap and then we returned to the beach with Ben later in the day. It was much more crowded, but we still had just as much fun. By the time we left San Diego the next morning everything was covered in sand, but I didn't really care. It was so much fun that it was worth the mess. We got to meet up with some of Ben's friends from BYU for dinner, Jake and Michelle, which was so much fun. Overall, it was a dream vacation (we are pretty easy to please). We made a promise to ourselves to return to San Diego more often since it's so close and we love it so much.

Tommy in the car playing games with us ( or trying not to listen to us).

Our family in front of the San Diego Temple. Love the construction.Tommy and Mommy on the beach.

Daddy and Tommy on the beach.

Our little Mer-man.

Covered in sand from head to toe.

A picture of all of us on the beach.

Tommy chasing his beach ball.